Depression is such a uphill battle. What I need is support and a few close people to come along side me and encourage me, and help me. Knowing this all I want to do is fall off the face of the earth. I want to close my Facebook account, take myself off my Above Rubies list, stop going to church, quit all activities outside my home, and block all email except ones from my family and church, JUST in case they are urgent. I am so closed off to the world as it is that even those close to me are still very far away it seems.
Speaking of shutting off things, this is just to let everyone know that I will be closing this blog down and starting another one in its stead. Mainly for the purpose to change the URL (?) as it has nothing to do with None for the Glory. Also because if I do decide to continue on blogging, I want it to be multi functional, and not JUST about my weight and depression, more like a family blog.
Jennifer
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Good Morning All
I know I haven't been up on keeping this current,... its the depression and busyness of having a "large" family. When I started this challenge I think I panicked, I also realized that I promised something that I probably could never deliver on ~ practically every detail of my life. A few days ago as I was thinking about getting on and doing an update a verse from Proverbs came to mind, don't ask me which one though. A man who opens his mouth shows himself a fool, while a man who keeps his mouth shut conceals a matter. Now, there is NO WAY that I'm to try to look like I have it all together, or know all the answers, I'm not even a doctor, I'm just a mom, trying to lose weight looking for the answers too. But I'm not a fool either, so I will do my best to keep everyone up to date on what I think will benefit them and keep myself accountable. Any information I put up here I will do my best to do whatever background research I can on.
So my update thus far:
~I'm still at 258.2 (apx.) which is not necessarily a bad thing, means I didn't gain, right? ;-)
~I started to drink more water again. I went from drinking practically nothing during the day to drinking 11.5 fourteen oz glasses a day. I was told that I needed to drink half of my weight in oz. So, that's what I'm trying right now. To tell you the truth, I hope my body gets used to it, its a real pain having to run to the other bathroom in the middle taking our precious 2.5dd to the potty. If you have any information on how much water you have been told by your doctor to drink, please share your information, I'd love to hear it.
~I also started doing squats and hula hoop moves in the evenings, esp the when the kids are playing in the bath, that way I can keep an eye on them and be doing something constructive, besides cleaning the bathroom. They are a killer!! Yesterday I was supposed to clean a home, and was SO glad when she canceled on me, my legs hurt so bad. I have figured out a way to work not only the front of my thighs, but also the inside, which is exactly what I want. Now if only my hula moves worked so well.... Anyone got any suggestions???
~Obviously my depression is better today. I was once told that self loathing is a myth, and that in depression you are just throwing a pity party and feel you deserve better than what you have. Man is that a lot of huey or what! Yes, in depression you do have pity parties and in some depression, and some deal with the deserving part, but for my I deal with real self loathing and have major failure issues, that topped by the little agitation of my current situation in some areas. Depression is real people, and its not what you think! Sometimes it feels like that cloud that you would see over Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh. It just won't leave, and it seeps into every thought you have about everything in your life. It even can cause/facilitate forgetfulness. Like, I keep forgetting my relationship with my Lord and how He loves me not matter what. That my faith is not based on being good, but on having a relationship with Him. Since this happens with Him, its a given that it happens with all of my relationships, especially with the people who love me and want to help me through this.
Thank you all for keeping up with this, I really appreciate it.
God Bless,
Jennifer
So my update thus far:
~I'm still at 258.2 (apx.) which is not necessarily a bad thing, means I didn't gain, right? ;-)
~I started to drink more water again. I went from drinking practically nothing during the day to drinking 11.5 fourteen oz glasses a day. I was told that I needed to drink half of my weight in oz. So, that's what I'm trying right now. To tell you the truth, I hope my body gets used to it, its a real pain having to run to the other bathroom in the middle taking our precious 2.5dd to the potty. If you have any information on how much water you have been told by your doctor to drink, please share your information, I'd love to hear it.
~I also started doing squats and hula hoop moves in the evenings, esp the when the kids are playing in the bath, that way I can keep an eye on them and be doing something constructive, besides cleaning the bathroom. They are a killer!! Yesterday I was supposed to clean a home, and was SO glad when she canceled on me, my legs hurt so bad. I have figured out a way to work not only the front of my thighs, but also the inside, which is exactly what I want. Now if only my hula moves worked so well.... Anyone got any suggestions???
~Obviously my depression is better today. I was once told that self loathing is a myth, and that in depression you are just throwing a pity party and feel you deserve better than what you have. Man is that a lot of huey or what! Yes, in depression you do have pity parties and in some depression, and some deal with the deserving part, but for my I deal with real self loathing and have major failure issues, that topped by the little agitation of my current situation in some areas. Depression is real people, and its not what you think! Sometimes it feels like that cloud that you would see over Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh. It just won't leave, and it seeps into every thought you have about everything in your life. It even can cause/facilitate forgetfulness. Like, I keep forgetting my relationship with my Lord and how He loves me not matter what. That my faith is not based on being good, but on having a relationship with Him. Since this happens with Him, its a given that it happens with all of my relationships, especially with the people who love me and want to help me through this.
Thank you all for keeping up with this, I really appreciate it.
God Bless,
Jennifer
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