I know I haven't been up on keeping this current,... its the depression and busyness of having a "large" family. When I started this challenge I think I panicked, I also realized that I promised something that I probably could never deliver on ~ practically every detail of my life. A few days ago as I was thinking about getting on and doing an update a verse from Proverbs came to mind, don't ask me which one though. A man who opens his mouth shows himself a fool, while a man who keeps his mouth shut conceals a matter. Now, there is NO WAY that I'm to try to look like I have it all together, or know all the answers, I'm not even a doctor, I'm just a mom, trying to lose weight looking for the answers too. But I'm not a fool either, so I will do my best to keep everyone up to date on what I think will benefit them and keep myself accountable. Any information I put up here I will do my best to do whatever background research I can on.
So my update thus far:
~I'm still at 258.2 (apx.) which is not necessarily a bad thing, means I didn't gain, right? ;-)
~I started to drink more water again. I went from drinking practically nothing during the day to drinking 11.5 fourteen oz glasses a day. I was told that I needed to drink half of my weight in oz. So, that's what I'm trying right now. To tell you the truth, I hope my body gets used to it, its a real pain having to run to the other bathroom in the middle taking our precious 2.5dd to the potty. If you have any information on how much water you have been told by your doctor to drink, please share your information, I'd love to hear it.
~I also started doing squats and hula hoop moves in the evenings, esp the when the kids are playing in the bath, that way I can keep an eye on them and be doing something constructive, besides cleaning the bathroom. They are a killer!! Yesterday I was supposed to clean a home, and was SO glad when she canceled on me, my legs hurt so bad. I have figured out a way to work not only the front of my thighs, but also the inside, which is exactly what I want. Now if only my hula moves worked so well.... Anyone got any suggestions???
~Obviously my depression is better today. I was once told that self loathing is a myth, and that in depression you are just throwing a pity party and feel you deserve better than what you have. Man is that a lot of huey or what! Yes, in depression you do have pity parties and in some depression, and some deal with the deserving part, but for my I deal with real self loathing and have major failure issues, that topped by the little agitation of my current situation in some areas. Depression is real people, and its not what you think! Sometimes it feels like that cloud that you would see over Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh. It just won't leave, and it seeps into every thought you have about everything in your life. It even can cause/facilitate forgetfulness. Like, I keep forgetting my relationship with my Lord and how He loves me not matter what. That my faith is not based on being good, but on having a relationship with Him. Since this happens with Him, its a given that it happens with all of my relationships, especially with the people who love me and want to help me through this.
Thank you all for keeping up with this, I really appreciate it.
God Bless,
Jennifer
Congratulations on your mission. It is about taking care of the temple of the Holy Spirit. The water thing might be a bit over the top. There is such a thing as water toxicity that can result in brain damage. We know a young woman this happened to here in Boise. At the time she was pursuing a career in Hollywood...skinny Minny was her goal...need I say more? Just a word of caution on the "water front". Yvonne
ReplyDeleteI have experienced depression - it was before I 'knew' God. I self harmed and ended up on a psychiactric ward. Trust me I remember the effort you have to make. I put on a lot of weight too - for me because I was making bad choices, I didn't realise soon enough and I was doing everything slowly.
ReplyDeleteInitial recovery happened because I had support, and because I suddenly decided not to keep self harming anymore but I have to say that the knowing God and coming into a relationship where I finally understand, and accept that He loves me, He accepts me and that I am a Saint who sometimes sins - well that has only recently happened and that is what has enable me to be finished with beating myself up. I need reminding about that love and acceptance frequently too!
You will get there - sleep is one of the keys I found (yes I am a mum I know that challenge) another was a Fredom in Christ course based on the book The Bondage Breaker by Neil Armstrong. Medication was a temporary prop but it didn't help other than give me some breathing space.
And remember you can't do this on your own but you have the best helper ever :) You will be in my prayers my friend <3
Hello Jennifer, thank you for inviting us to read your blog, I found it on the 19 kids site. I too write a blog. a way to vent. I suffer with depression as well, and lately its been so heavy on me, its suffocating. I hope you continue to find the comfort you need to pull out of this.
ReplyDeleteHi jennifer, I also have had past experience with depression as well as severe anxiety. I am 100% recovered now but i still have to work on my thoughts at times. Keep presing on and never give up. Your personality and your physical make-up may be more prone to a melencholy attitude- but believe me, from my own experience you can change completely. It just takes time and alot of work. But it is sooooo worth it! :)
ReplyDeleteKeep running your race and keep looking up :)
Blessings, Chanin