Depression is such a uphill battle. What I need is support and a few close people to come along side me and encourage me, and help me. Knowing this all I want to do is fall off the face of the earth. I want to close my Facebook account, take myself off my Above Rubies list, stop going to church, quit all activities outside my home, and block all email except ones from my family and church, JUST in case they are urgent. I am so closed off to the world as it is that even those close to me are still very far away it seems.
Speaking of shutting off things, this is just to let everyone know that I will be closing this blog down and starting another one in its stead. Mainly for the purpose to change the URL (?) as it has nothing to do with None for the Glory. Also because if I do decide to continue on blogging, I want it to be multi functional, and not JUST about my weight and depression, more like a family blog.
Jennifer
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Good Morning All
I know I haven't been up on keeping this current,... its the depression and busyness of having a "large" family. When I started this challenge I think I panicked, I also realized that I promised something that I probably could never deliver on ~ practically every detail of my life. A few days ago as I was thinking about getting on and doing an update a verse from Proverbs came to mind, don't ask me which one though. A man who opens his mouth shows himself a fool, while a man who keeps his mouth shut conceals a matter. Now, there is NO WAY that I'm to try to look like I have it all together, or know all the answers, I'm not even a doctor, I'm just a mom, trying to lose weight looking for the answers too. But I'm not a fool either, so I will do my best to keep everyone up to date on what I think will benefit them and keep myself accountable. Any information I put up here I will do my best to do whatever background research I can on.
So my update thus far:
~I'm still at 258.2 (apx.) which is not necessarily a bad thing, means I didn't gain, right? ;-)
~I started to drink more water again. I went from drinking practically nothing during the day to drinking 11.5 fourteen oz glasses a day. I was told that I needed to drink half of my weight in oz. So, that's what I'm trying right now. To tell you the truth, I hope my body gets used to it, its a real pain having to run to the other bathroom in the middle taking our precious 2.5dd to the potty. If you have any information on how much water you have been told by your doctor to drink, please share your information, I'd love to hear it.
~I also started doing squats and hula hoop moves in the evenings, esp the when the kids are playing in the bath, that way I can keep an eye on them and be doing something constructive, besides cleaning the bathroom. They are a killer!! Yesterday I was supposed to clean a home, and was SO glad when she canceled on me, my legs hurt so bad. I have figured out a way to work not only the front of my thighs, but also the inside, which is exactly what I want. Now if only my hula moves worked so well.... Anyone got any suggestions???
~Obviously my depression is better today. I was once told that self loathing is a myth, and that in depression you are just throwing a pity party and feel you deserve better than what you have. Man is that a lot of huey or what! Yes, in depression you do have pity parties and in some depression, and some deal with the deserving part, but for my I deal with real self loathing and have major failure issues, that topped by the little agitation of my current situation in some areas. Depression is real people, and its not what you think! Sometimes it feels like that cloud that you would see over Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh. It just won't leave, and it seeps into every thought you have about everything in your life. It even can cause/facilitate forgetfulness. Like, I keep forgetting my relationship with my Lord and how He loves me not matter what. That my faith is not based on being good, but on having a relationship with Him. Since this happens with Him, its a given that it happens with all of my relationships, especially with the people who love me and want to help me through this.
Thank you all for keeping up with this, I really appreciate it.
God Bless,
Jennifer
So my update thus far:
~I'm still at 258.2 (apx.) which is not necessarily a bad thing, means I didn't gain, right? ;-)
~I started to drink more water again. I went from drinking practically nothing during the day to drinking 11.5 fourteen oz glasses a day. I was told that I needed to drink half of my weight in oz. So, that's what I'm trying right now. To tell you the truth, I hope my body gets used to it, its a real pain having to run to the other bathroom in the middle taking our precious 2.5dd to the potty. If you have any information on how much water you have been told by your doctor to drink, please share your information, I'd love to hear it.
~I also started doing squats and hula hoop moves in the evenings, esp the when the kids are playing in the bath, that way I can keep an eye on them and be doing something constructive, besides cleaning the bathroom. They are a killer!! Yesterday I was supposed to clean a home, and was SO glad when she canceled on me, my legs hurt so bad. I have figured out a way to work not only the front of my thighs, but also the inside, which is exactly what I want. Now if only my hula moves worked so well.... Anyone got any suggestions???
~Obviously my depression is better today. I was once told that self loathing is a myth, and that in depression you are just throwing a pity party and feel you deserve better than what you have. Man is that a lot of huey or what! Yes, in depression you do have pity parties and in some depression, and some deal with the deserving part, but for my I deal with real self loathing and have major failure issues, that topped by the little agitation of my current situation in some areas. Depression is real people, and its not what you think! Sometimes it feels like that cloud that you would see over Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh. It just won't leave, and it seeps into every thought you have about everything in your life. It even can cause/facilitate forgetfulness. Like, I keep forgetting my relationship with my Lord and how He loves me not matter what. That my faith is not based on being good, but on having a relationship with Him. Since this happens with Him, its a given that it happens with all of my relationships, especially with the people who love me and want to help me through this.
Thank you all for keeping up with this, I really appreciate it.
God Bless,
Jennifer
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
My First Official Weigh In, etc.
Ugh,....grimace,.....do I really gotta?????
Yep, you said you would, now, you GOTTA.
First comes the starting point weigh in:
260.1
Food Intake:
Well, I'll spare you the details this time, lets just say, I'll answer why in a second.
Depression:
Did not do well today, I let it overtake me and I dwelt in it. Poor Paul, I felt bad for him, he got the brunt of it today. So, b/c the depression wasn't going well, the food intake wasn't too great either.
Faith:
I actually did spend time in the Word of God today, which is awesome. I just finished my lesson for the day doing a study on Christ being the Mercy Seat.
So, that's today's overview, and now we have a makeshift starting point. Now to push the Publish Post button,.........
God Bless,
Jennifer
Yep, you said you would, now, you GOTTA.
First comes the starting point weigh in:
260.1
Food Intake:
Well, I'll spare you the details this time, lets just say, I'll answer why in a second.
Depression:
Did not do well today, I let it overtake me and I dwelt in it. Poor Paul, I felt bad for him, he got the brunt of it today. So, b/c the depression wasn't going well, the food intake wasn't too great either.
Faith:
I actually did spend time in the Word of God today, which is awesome. I just finished my lesson for the day doing a study on Christ being the Mercy Seat.
So, that's today's overview, and now we have a makeshift starting point. Now to push the Publish Post button,.........
God Bless,
Jennifer
Only 354 days till.....
I jump out of a plane, yes, that's right, jump out of a plane. I dread even just thinking about it, even now, even as I've just made the decision to jump. LOL There are a few different reasons I'm doing this and refocusing my blog. For the most part it will be the same, but much more intense and personal. I have decided to focus on three aspect of my life this year with my blog:
1. Weightloss
2. My Faith
3. How does a Christian deal with depression
Because of my personality I have found that this is the only way to get myself on the right track. If you take the time to do the DISC test which you can find on Facebook, it is quite helpful. I have found that I am a S. For those of you who know what that means, you know I'm literally dragging myself out of my shell to do this. My depression and laziness have driven me to the point of madness so I'm going to do something extreme by jumping out of a plane and making myself accountable to the world. So no matter if people ask me how I'm really doing instead of getting the "fine" answer and being happy with that, they know whats really going on, even if its to my horror.
My hope with all of this is to grow in my faith so that I can jump out of the plane, because I know that if I don't there is no way they are even getting me into the plane on the ground. My weight loss is an obvious one, it will also help ensure that I have a healthy heart for the jump, and a healthy heart for my family. This journey is also about how a believer in Jesus Christ deals with depression. I have heard both extremes on the issue and I'm wanting to walk my own path on this one, even if it does mean that I do eventually go and get a med that just helps conduct the positive changes that I'm making in this area.
I will be posting weight-ins, what I eat, exercise routines, even recipes, to see if any of ya'll like them or if any of you foodie people have any ideas on how to change them to make them healthier. These changes are going to be a combination of drastic/gradual. I don't want to go too drastic and then fall face first and decide not to pick myself up again. I would love your support and encouragement. I hope I am an encouragement to you as well.
Thank you for starting this journey with me, I know its going to be a crazy ride, but roller coasters are supposed to be, right? :-)
God Bless,
Jennifer
1. Weightloss
2. My Faith
3. How does a Christian deal with depression
Because of my personality I have found that this is the only way to get myself on the right track. If you take the time to do the DISC test which you can find on Facebook, it is quite helpful. I have found that I am a S. For those of you who know what that means, you know I'm literally dragging myself out of my shell to do this. My depression and laziness have driven me to the point of madness so I'm going to do something extreme by jumping out of a plane and making myself accountable to the world. So no matter if people ask me how I'm really doing instead of getting the "fine" answer and being happy with that, they know whats really going on, even if its to my horror.
My hope with all of this is to grow in my faith so that I can jump out of the plane, because I know that if I don't there is no way they are even getting me into the plane on the ground. My weight loss is an obvious one, it will also help ensure that I have a healthy heart for the jump, and a healthy heart for my family. This journey is also about how a believer in Jesus Christ deals with depression. I have heard both extremes on the issue and I'm wanting to walk my own path on this one, even if it does mean that I do eventually go and get a med that just helps conduct the positive changes that I'm making in this area.
I will be posting weight-ins, what I eat, exercise routines, even recipes, to see if any of ya'll like them or if any of you foodie people have any ideas on how to change them to make them healthier. These changes are going to be a combination of drastic/gradual. I don't want to go too drastic and then fall face first and decide not to pick myself up again. I would love your support and encouragement. I hope I am an encouragement to you as well.
Thank you for starting this journey with me, I know its going to be a crazy ride, but roller coasters are supposed to be, right? :-)
God Bless,
Jennifer
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Its Been A Long Time Coming....
Hello All, I know, I know......you've missed me, greatly I'm sure, Bahahahahahahah. Anywho, I've got something great, something intense, something that is going to force me to update you quite often on things here at the Emery house. I can tell you, it is truly out of my comfort zone, so guaranteed I'm dreading it already, but wait and see, its going to be great, and its going to hopefully encourage you greatly! But be aware, it may make you want to change too! Hehe
God Bless,
Monday, September 20, 2010
Update on the Kickin the can....
Things were rocky at first, but I think I'm finally making headway! :D I will admit that I have had a soda or two recently, but we are no longer keeping them in our house and my dear, sweet, beloved has told me he is cutting his soda consumption down as well! Yippeee :D My new challenge is to find something to do with my stress when I'm in the kitchen now. As I've been on this journey, I've realized how much I really consume because of my emotions. I am one that doesn't do well with disorganization, and I am SO TOTALLY disorganized! (Shaking head) So,... when I stopped drinking sodas I found myself eating instead. Sounds silly right?, eating while cooking a family meal, well, it happens. I may try chewing gum for a while to see if that helps with the craving to put something in my mouth. As I slay that dragon, I'm gonna need to focus on what I need to do to keep my stress levels down. Hmmm, as I'm thinking on paper I realized I have a radio in my kitchen..... If you know me, you know I love to sing ( shhhh and don't tell anyone, but I love to dance too.) I might have to take advantage of that and instead of listening to Christian talk radio, which I have come to love, I'm gonna have to start boogieing to the music. Singing to the Lord God Almighty, who knows exactly what I'm going through relieves stress for me. I need to remember to take all of my stress, frustration, and comparing myself to my Betty Crocker herself to the cross. Food is not the place I'm going to find the answers to all of my problems or even the place to resolve my emotional issues, its in Christ's loving arms that I will find all that I need, even if He's in the kitchen with me.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Drawings on the Wall
THEIR artwork, in a array of colors, styles, also coming from different utensils, such as crayons, pencils, markers, and pen. Thankfully permenant markers are not on the list....yet.
Now, don't get me wrong, I don't let my children decorate our home with their own art. In fact most days I have to remind myself that....
It will not be there forever, that one day, after we have painted over all the beautiful creativity of my artistic children, and have moved on into a bigger home, and they are no longer at the stage that they are in now, I will miss seeing their masterpieces all over our home. I will miss how free they felt to express themselves to me and their daddy. I will miss how they want to show us their art and how they aren't afraid if it is good or not, they draw from their hearts.
Keep these memories, take pictures, make memories with even these moments. Because one day, you will be standing at your door, watching your children get into their cars, to go home, to be with their families, and as you turn around, and shut the door, if your not careful, you will wish you hadn't painted over the drawings on the wall.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Time to kick the Can
Time to kick the Can.....
....the soda can that is. For a long time now I've known that sodas probably weren't the best thing to drink. I guess I made excuses for the habit by trying to drink more water. Even with this knowledge I still felt comfortable drinking a soda or two while cooking dinner. So after reading several posts from some wonderful gals, they really got me thinking about my soda consumption. Did you know that gals who drink soda, especially DIET (didn't see that one coming huh? I didn't either) are more likely to be over weight. There is so much data out there preaching against sodas, pops, cokes, however you say it, that its just not worth it to me to put that stuff in my body anymore. Especially since it robs your bones of precious calcium, and with my family history, I need all the calcium I can get. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, just suggesting you research what you are putting into your body, because, in essence, you are what you eat/drink.
As my research and prayer goes, I am looking to cut and add other things to my and my families diet. But for now, this is what I am starting with for myself.
If you would like to see where I got some of my soda information you can go to savingdinner.com and you can find Saving Dinner on facebook.com.
God Bless,
JEnnifer
....the soda can that is. For a long time now I've known that sodas probably weren't the best thing to drink. I guess I made excuses for the habit by trying to drink more water. Even with this knowledge I still felt comfortable drinking a soda or two while cooking dinner. So after reading several posts from some wonderful gals, they really got me thinking about my soda consumption. Did you know that gals who drink soda, especially DIET (didn't see that one coming huh? I didn't either) are more likely to be over weight. There is so much data out there preaching against sodas, pops, cokes, however you say it, that its just not worth it to me to put that stuff in my body anymore. Especially since it robs your bones of precious calcium, and with my family history, I need all the calcium I can get. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, just suggesting you research what you are putting into your body, because, in essence, you are what you eat/drink.
As my research and prayer goes, I am looking to cut and add other things to my and my families diet. But for now, this is what I am starting with for myself.
If you would like to see where I got some of my soda information you can go to savingdinner.com and you can find Saving Dinner on facebook.com.
God Bless,
JEnnifer
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